School Snob

I went to Wesley's school for lunch yesterday. Just wanted to write down some thoughts about kindergarten in general. I am a school snob.

I will admit it: I want my son to always look cute with his hair done, shirt tucked in, stylish clothes, a healthy lunch, top of his class (which won't happen for a while until we can get his capital and lower case letters figured out), and I want him to have a lot of friends. Who doesn't?

Now that I am a "parent" and not a "teacher" at school, I find that I am really extra sensitive to what I require and expect from my child. I know that by doing homework earlier throughout the week, then we don't have to cram in a full hour session the night before it is due. I worry that I may become one of the overly protective classroom moms that want to be too involved. I taught Jr. High, so by that point, you are begging for parents to be involved. In Kinder, it is a whole other story as you are saturated with mom's who want to volunteer. So, I have been taking a step back with the whole volunteer thing b/c I don't want to step on the teachers toes and be aggressive when perhaps she doesn't want any help. I have my fingerprint clearance card, I have submitted to become a substitute teacher when needed, so now I just need to go in and do it.

So, I showed up at 10:30am for the lunch hour. Wesley had the biggest smile on his face when I walked in the room. When will that stop? I hope never! We went to the cafeteria and I loved how Wesley just wanted to sit close to me, let me caress his little shoulders and kiss him on the forehead. I love spending one on one time with each of my kids. He was so excited to see me there and introduced me to his "friends." It warmed my heart to see that he is socializing with his peers and that they can have conversations. Although, when they went out to the playground, Wesley was all alone. I wanted to take his hand and encourage him to go find a friend...I guess with more time he will get more comfortable. The girls were all so talkative, the boys were rambunctious. One poor girl cried the ENTIRE lunch hour for her mama. So sad.

You wonder why America youth are obese? Check out those school lunches!I always pack Wesley a cold lunch, which I enjoy doing and I think he eats more healthy. I wonder when he will start to think that cold lunches are not "cool" and that he will want a lot of what I consider "junk food" for his lunchbox. For example; lunchables (especially the pizza or nacho ones), Dora juice boxes, or the sliced white bread for a PB & J certainly does not have a lot of nutrients, but a whole lot of empty calories. Wesley has already asked me to stop giving him homemade bread! NO way! I haven't come up with a good reason for him besides that it is healthier for him. He has come home the last few days NOT eating his sandwich.

So, today, I only gave him a sandwich to eat. That will at least guarantee that he will eat it, right? I need to be realistic and let him have treats a few times a week, or even a hot lunch, but I don't want it to be something that will replace our healthy lifestyle of eating at home. He happily will eat spinach, broccoli, green beans, asparagus, carrots, and salads. That would be too much to put into his lunchbox though.

I wonder how much longer it will be when my sweet boy is asking me to not come to school with him b/c he is too cool? I also went on a fieldtrip to the AZ Science Museum with him and it was great fun. I loved watching him learn, run around and be a kid. I am grateful that my dad was around to watch Austin and Isaac so I could be with him. Poor dad was so frazzled when I got back! Isaac is not used to not having mama around when he wakes up for his nap and wants a snack. He did a great job, but the cold formula he gave him was a bit too much.

Isaac also is at 8 months old. This last month he went from one tooth, to two teeth, from arching his back, to up on all fours, to rocking with his knees, a few army crawls, and now he knows how to do the "worm." He is adorable at 21lbs. Sure is cute to see Wesley and Austin encourage him to crawl and imitate him on the floor. They do a great job at entertaining him. He also went for his first 4-wheeler ride with papa. I like to keep him stripped down to a diaper just so I can kiss and squeeze his big belly.

Out of the mouth of babes

Austin:

Why is Jesus happy?
What happens when Jesus dies? Is it b/c he is old?
Who taught Satan bad words? It's OK if he dies b/c he is bad and ugly
What happens if there are ghosts and they eat us? They won't b/c we pray?
"I help take care of my baby brother."

Wesley's prayers:
Please don't let bad men look at the prophets and not kill them
Please let Jesus be OK

Wesley:
Who is Joseph Smith: Joseph Smith died for us, he looked at the window and Jesus said, "die" and he left out the window and died.
"Jesus Christ wanted us to live with Him someday."

I heart Jared

I need to put myself in a time out....

Sometimes I feel like my blog is only showing the happy and pleasant parts of my life....all the pictures seem so perfect as we are smiling away and all together. The reality is, is that I am going through some serious hard times during this time of transition that Jared is away from us. I hope to look back at these last 6+ months someday and just feel grateful that we got through it alive (and probably will need some marriage counseling!)

Just right now, Wesley and Austin have been fighting over a silly pencil sharpener, only to have it break into a million pieces and throw the shavings all over the floor. Isaac has been crying for 1.5 hours to take a nap that he missed b/c we were at church. I miss having someone else around to bounce off the emotions of the children and give ME a break from their madness!

It's hard to go to church alone, it's hard to be the one who always disciplines, it's hard doing the shopping for groceries and know that none of those meals will ever be for your husband, it's hard to see all the cute smiles and quirky saying from your boys and not share them with anyone else, it's hard to sleep by yourself and wake up in the middle of the night afraid of the dark, and it's hard not knowing how your husband is doing; what he is eating, how he is sleeping, what he is wearing, or if he is lonely when he is so far away...

I need to count my blessings that I have healthy kids, a husband that provides and a beautiful home to live in. I could be in a tragic situation of infertility, cancer, unemployment, death or divorce. I am grateful that those things are NOT a part of my life. It doesn't make the raw loneliness that I feel daily any better though. I just wonder what it would be like to have that "family dinner with dad" every night, or let Jared be Wesley's soccer coach this fall. I try not to feel sorry for myself, but the honest truth is that this time period is hard for us! I grew up in a single parent home and I never thought I would be going through the same thing. I do recognize that I am supported financially and emotionally by Jared, which makes all the difference. Then, why can't I allow that same feeling of security enter into my heart at night when I am alone?

I try to analyze and figure out what I can do to make up for Jared's presence and the emptiness that it brings: I need to get out in the community more, I need to find more projects that bring fulfillment, or perhaps hire a babysitter just so I can go shopping. But, those are all quick fixes. Why can't I find happiness in just being alone? Am I insecure as a woman? But, what is a girl to do when her best friend is so far away?

Off we are onto another week. I will adjust my attitude just a bit tonight as I start the bedtime routine and count my blessings that I do have good kids, the true gospel in my life and a hard working honey who is doing his best to provide for us. Just wish that we could be together.

So, this post is for you Jared Lowell Wilson. We miss you everyday that you are not here. We miss your laughing, your silly songs about dirty diapers, your liquados, your lucha libre, your energy, your calm disciplining, and your big brown eyes.

Please come home soon. I miss you. I need you.

Jared later on wrote:

Here I am, 2 hours ahead in Chicago. I miss you just as much and want you to know I don't enjoy doing things alone, never have and I never will. You are my best friend, I appreciate you with out end. If any one could do this a long side me, it's you. If I could wrap my arms around you right now I would. I wish I was there to give you peace at night and rest from my energetic boys at night. We will be there soon, i'm certain. All in His time, but until then, I heart YOU!

September 20, 2009 9:36 PM

Grand Canyon

I have lived in AZ for a number of years now, but had never visited the Grand Canyon. What a better time than now to do so? Our good friends, the McGrath's were visiting there at the same time from Utah (we met them in El Paso), and so it was a perfect chance to visit and sight see over Labor Day.

Too bad that the Grand Canyon is not "kid friendly" when you are talking about a 5, 4, 3, 2, 11months and 7 month old. We went there right as the sun was setting, so our pictures were not as crisp and bright as I would have wanted. I didn't get a chance to really take in the breath taking view b/c I was chasing kids, pushing strollers and blocking the sun! I did love being in the fresh mountain air, seeing all the chasing clouds above the canyon and imagining all the fun hikes I would love to go on once we have older kids.

On the way home, we spotted a Native American Tourist spot. It was the best part. We ate some greasy fry bread tacos, ring toss dancing and turquoise jewelry. The boys are into necklaces right now, so Jared spotted some cool eagle ones. We really enjoyed watching the Indians do their chants and dancing with bright colored feathers and bells.

The rest of the weekend was spent in Flagstaff where we visited a park (something we haven't done in weeks b/c you'll burn yourself on the playground equipment in Phoenix in the 110 F weather), swam at the hotel and went for a bumpy ride in the mountains looking for a fishing hole while swapping passengers so we could chat with our friends and eat corn nuts. Our boys got along really well and got a kick out of wearing their jackets at nighttime (such a novelty now that we live in the desert. They used to wear them INSIDE our house in MD, so they really miss having them!)

At the park, Isaac sat in a swing for the first time and of course loved it. Wesley now knows how to swing without assistance and loved the monkey bars (which he thinks he learned b/c he is now in Kindergarten and "un chico grande"). Austin loved playing Hot Lava with papa and eating the chips we brought along. Jared relaxed a bit in the fresh air and chased the boys around. I loved chatting with Sandra on our blankets and watching our babies eat the grass.

Overall, a great three days. We stayed up late the last night playing Phase 10, where Sandra always claims she doesn't "remember" how to play (yet, she WINS every single time!) By 1am, we were all super tired, and headed back home the following day feeling refreshed and happy. Just so nice to spend a few days in good weather, with my dear husband and kissable boys.

Included are a few random pics. The boys slept in the same hotel bed and were often smushed together within a few hours while they were in dream land. So precious. I also bought them a pencil sharpener. It has been a novelty for a good 1/2 hour before full pencils have been whittled away to pint size sticks. Wesley pulled out the entire box of colored pencils and worked away at it! He especially loves the suction part on the bottom and loved explaining how it worked to Jared (as if we had never used one ourselves). That innocence is priceless.

Isaac is also sitting up so well now on his own, at 8 months old, 21 lbs, and has sprouted two little toofies (bottom right and then left). He loves to take baths in the sink (and I love it b/c it's fast, easy, convenient, and no bending over required). He eats like a champ, including; mama's milk, 2 bowls of cereal/veggies/applesauce, a string cheese, bread, cheerios and graham crackers for dessert...all in one sitting! He is rocking on his knees now and I am sure will start army crawling this next month. The boys will go and wake him up almost every morning by climbing into his crib, turning on his light, covering him back up like a "burrito" and chatting with him. He loves it, although I am not so sure how the crib feels.