I was pregnant. I started my miscarriage the night before leaving for Utah. I was devastated and very concerned. I didn't want to have to experience that in a van in the middle of Utah during a race...so, should I even go to Utah? Or, do I just walk the race? Would I be hurting the baby?
I bled throughout the night, and decided to continue on with the race (since I had already begun to lose the baby). It was shocking. It was so sad. It was very hard. Who runs a race while losing a baby in the port-a-potty?
The race was my way of coping. I ran hard. I accomplished a lot. 3 legs in all. 18 miles for me. I averaged 8.3 miles per hour. No walking. I think the magical hot pink zebra socks gave me special powers (thanks Leslie!), as well as my Pocahontas bandanna. I was always worried about having a side ache from drinking water, or what to eat right before the race for extra "energy." A half of a bagel usually did the trick for me and no drinking while running.
That last leg was a killer! The 8 miles uphill in the Park City Canyon. Right from the exchange my right knee started THROBBING in pain. I was so bugged! All I wanted to do was have 100% health so I could run well and challenge myself. I kept thinking of the Biggest Loser and how they always pushed through the pain, despite the discomfort. I figured that I wouldn't be doing too much permanent damage...so I KEPT ON RUNNING. I didn't stop once to even walk...I pushed it hard. Eventually, after 2 miles, my knee went numb and I could finally just enjoy the race!
I kept telling myself, "one more mile. You CAN do this. You WILL do this." Every time you passed someone by, that was considered a "kill." I would tag the person mentally on their backs, close my eyes and push a tad bit extra to pass them by. I killed 23 people on that last leg. 43 total during the race. Never did get the guy in the red shirt that I had tagged from the beginning. I sprinted at the finish line, my eyes fixed on the goal and tears brimming with gratitude for being able to endure. My legs were on fire, my heart was pumping hard and I was excited to finish in just over an hour! Not bad for a girl who doesn't consider herself an avid runner.
So...now I am back to reality. Still sad. Still wishing I was prego. But, a week has passed by and I can now focus my "stress" back to my family life...vs. my unpregnant self.
I am grateful I had something else to distract me about. I am grateful I had good health to make it through the race. I emotionally connected with the scenery, good friends, inner strength, physical limitations and upbeat music to keep my head up. I can't think of a better situation when going through such an emotional roller coaster.
It was all about ME this weekend. It's what I needed. No phone calls. No kids begging for candy. No summer school lesson plans. No counting calories. No internet. Just ME and my girls :) It was exhausting only running on 2.5 hours of sleep, bagels, apple slices and water...but, that adrenaline always seemed to kick in right when I needed it.
Thanks John and Valerie Telford for your amazing support, and for being spies amidst the trees and boulders for some great photography. Your energy kept us all going!
9 comments:
Adrienne.... I am SO sorry to hear about the things that you are recently going through. Please know that I am thinking of you. On a lighter note - you are FREAKING AMAZING - look at you! You look great, and what a fun fun trip / race/ girls trip (plus whoever Paul us) - It looks like so much fun, and I'm so jealous! What an amazing run you did! Fast! I loved hearing about your mental side of it. It really did motivate me. You are so wonderful and I'm so sorry about the miscarriage. I love you and miss you!
You ARE amazing. I am also sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I am in awe of you.
We had another friend who did that race. Looks incredible. I don't know if I would have it in me!!
Congratulations!
YOU
WERE
AMAZING!
I was so inspired by you running despite, or maybe in-spite of all you were going through. You are MY rock star!
Sorry to hear about the miscarrage. I can only imagine how discouraging that is for you and yet you pushed through your pain and fought hard. Good job.
You are absolutely amazing and impressive. I am so proud of your "dig down deep" and the light you so willingly share. Love you!
I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage....I know you have been wanting a little one so badly so that is heartbreaking. How amazing you are to push through that emotional and physically draining time and run as far and as fast as you did. You inspire me!! You guys look great, I'm sure you were the cutest group!!
Awesome!!! Seriously, you are awesome!! I'm so impressed by you and all the others mothers / ladies that ran with you.
I can't imagine all that you were going through emotionally and physically that whole time, but I'm glad you found healing through it. :) You are an inspiration.
PS - you are one fit mama!!!
PSS - I love the socks!!
That is amazing! It sounds like you had an awesome experience and I was so proud to hear how you finished that last 8 mile leg! That sounded like a killer, but somehow you still made that many "kills," wow! You did an amazing job despite the emotions and physical discomfort you were in enduring. Love ya!
So sorry to hear about your miscarriage. You are an amazing person! You and your family are in our prayers!
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