School starts in just 4 days. The nerves are kicking in. The stress is in the air. Butterflies are in my tummy. We have been in "inservice" trainings now for a week 1/2. I am exhausted from all the conversations about insurance, dress code, fire drills, "bad touch/good touch" policies, and lesson plan formats. My head hurts. Fried egg. Brain freeze. Good thing they have given us Krispy Kremes, Mexican food, chocolates and lots of water to keep us going. I do love being in a room full of people with purpose, passion and drive about kids + education.
I have this inner battle going on. I am so excited to teach. I envision myself as an educator, influencing all of these great children and really creating a learning and nurturing environment. We have such diversity and cultural differences in my school, that I really am looking forward to the challenges. I think about how I could stay at this school for years to come and raise my boys in this small school environment. I love feeling stimulated in my vocabulary, my new creativity as I think of my classes and I thrive off of the social friendships I am making with other teachers. I feel accepted, respected, educated, and cared about. It's a great feeling.
On the other hand, I feel guilty already that I am no longer tucking in Isaac for naps or feeding him his breakfast/lunch. I have really missed my boys all week long (I am exhausted from the trainings), but being gone from 8am-5pm is hard on me. I miss them! I come home and immediately (well, that is if they are not watching tv), they want to have hugs and be with me. It warms my heart...but, the guilt comes back!
Do I continue teaching as my boys are in school, or do I focus in on my sweet Isaac and go back home? Right now I HAVE to work to provide financially. But, I really enjoy the outside stimulation and opportunity for growth as a person that teaching provides. I can easily be home by 3pm everyday. Great schedule. Could I juggle it beyond this year?
For now, I am motivated and looking forward to this school year. Ask me again in November how I am doing. I may be ready to be back home...back to my play dates, trips to Costco, parent volunteering, an occasional nap, Oprah and a little boredom. It would be nice to hit the gym at 8:30am vs. 4:30am (like I did this morning) to fit in a little sweat and cardio.
I am getting my last finishing touches on my simple classroom done:
Bulletin board "What the Wilson's know:" for my objectives completed
Cheesy signs posted around the room
Desk organized
Bookshelf set up (but not organized yet. Will have a T.A. do that!)
Filing cabinet filled
Desks arranged
Decided on my first "center" for the month: Nutrition. I will have my students work on some hands on activities based on different themes every month. This month they will learn about the Basic 5 Pyramid, cutting out healthy snacks out of newspapers, looking at labels, etc. They do this in their extra time, and will get extra credit for the things turned in.
Organized all of the old 5th grade teachers JUNK and stored it into a filing cabinet
Stocked up on teaching supplies at Wal Mart and Office Max. I have yet to buy my own kids' supplies b/c I could barely get my own!
I really need to know focus in on the curriculum, lesson planning and behavior systems before my kiddos walk in through that door!
3 comments:
It must be so hard to wrestle with those guilty feelings... but as a mom who is home all day, I am jealous! I love the way you describe interacting with the other teachers and feeling like a respected professional. For some reason, no matter how many playdates or tumbling classes you go to, as a mom you never quite get that feeling of professional respect. It's always the same old JUST a stay-at-home mom. You are doing something so worthwhile by teaching your 5th graders, and while your children will miss you a little, they probably won't miss you as much as you miss them. And just think, the slobbery kisses you get from them after school each day will mean so much more to you. Good luck! I know you are going to do an amazing job!
you're inspiring. I'm sure it is hard not to be with Isaac, but you are an amazing mamma, and now will be an amazing teacher to all these big kids. Kids always remember their teachers....you are influencing these kids forever.
You'll do great, you're enthusiastic and passionate about all you do and the kids will recognize that. As for the guilt I can totally understand. Sometimes though you do what you have to do. My mom worked my whole childhood, I wish it could have been different but its something she had to do and guess what I survived. Everything works out in the end. Good Luck!
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