Our baby twin boys

From my twin baby boys:

From Baby A

Dear Mama

I was so excited to come down to our little family. So excited that I made sure that you, mama, felt my presence very early on. You knew me and my brother were on our way before you had your first ultrasound and heartbeat check! I tried hard to stay healthy mama, but my little body wasn't strong enough. I fought hard for 4 long months to be a survivor, to come out and meet you, to meet my older brothers Wesley and Austin and to be held in your arms. I seemed to be developing just fine; with all my fingers, toes and heartbeat beating in tune with yours. It came as such a shock to you when on August 7th (your birthday), the Dr. told you that I was no longer alive.
Heavenly Father thought that I was too special, too pure, too perfect to come at this time. I know that you will miss me, and I will be waiting for you on the other side with my tiny arms held open wide. Please don't cry any more tears for me mama b/c I want you to enjoy my brother who is still on the way and will always carry a little part of me within him. Remember the joy that I brought to you for a small piece of time and how much I love you. Be strong.

From Baby B

Dear Mama

I know that you already feel the loss of my brother leaving us. I too feel sad to know that I will never get to share that nursery with him that you have been dreaming up, or to sit side by side with him in your arms. I feel a part of me has left and it will be hard to always wonder what he would've looked like and how close we could've been as brothers.
The Doctors are concerned that I may also have some complications. I am going to fight extra hard right now to stay healthy as I develop and grow in your body Mama. I want to be strong! I want to bring me and my brother's love to you and our family despite our painful separation.
I too look forward to being held and kissed in your arms. We both love you very much and although we are separated for now, we will always be your twin baby boys.

belly pics

Ya'll have been
asking for them...here are a few:


At only 8 weeks

12 weeks

14 weeks

Yo tengo mucha pansa....you may think that they belly isn't big, but let me tell you...it's huge and swollen and I already feel like I am 7 months along. By 9pm, I am spent and in bed until morning.

And a few more pics of our last two months of intense transition and many emotional meltdowns:



Traveling with our Wrangler across the US in a plane, playing with boxes in our new house for several days, fourth of July hats, living in a hotel for a week, playing in the rain

Hit and Run

I was minding my own business last night, venturing off in the new territory of Maryland on a well used highway....off I was to find the ONLY Wal-Mart in a neighbor city.

I was going to change lanes, but saw an approaching vehicle SPEEDING up beside me. So, naturally I stayed put and waited for him to pass. Well, he passed me, cut me off in my own lane and clipped the front of my car with his back bumper.

The shock of being hit while you are going 60mph is scary enough, but when he didn't stop...I knew I was in trouble. A HIT AND RUN.

I was angry! No way you are going to hit my baby Tahoe and get away with it! You meanie!

So, I did what any overly-emotional and hormonal woman would do, I FOLLOWED HIM.

We went through one light and he was still SPEEDING....I was keeping up with him barely, honking my horn and waving my arms for him to acknowledge me. I was so confused, if he knew he had hit me, why wasn't he pulling over?

We got to the second stop light...it was turning red and of course he ran it. At the intersection though, he decided to flip a U-Turn! So, I followed him in the U-Turn and at that point called up 9-1-1.

This was my first time calling 9-1-1 in my life. I was a bit nervous if it would connect right away. I told the dispatcher that I had been hit in my car, the guy didnt stop, and so I was following him. I gave her the car description and license plate...not knowing what else was going to happen.

He turned a corner and I kept following. Fortunately, he did pull over at a nearby High School at this point. I started losing my composure at the thought of being alone with this stranger in a parking lot. The dispatcher was super nice to me and told me I could leave if I didn't feel comfortable b/c I had gotten his license plate, etc.

But, I didn't want to leave if the police were on their way. How would I ever get my car fixed? (That was my first reaction b/c I knew that Jared is so cautious with our cars and he would be so upset with this car accident anyway....to his credit, he was more concerned for his prego wife:)

The man got out of his car and I DID NOT get out of my car. It was against my nature to be so rude and distant by keeping my door locked and window up. He started talking to me through the window, and with 9-1-1 on the other line, I felt comfortable to roll it down.

The first thing he said to me, "I am sorry. I am in a big hurry. If I can just give you my insurance info and contact #, can we please get this over with as soon as possible? I am going through a divorce and I am dying of cancer..." With that last comment, I came back with, "Yeah? And I am pregnant!" (Of course I am sobbing with tears of fear, and nervous energy and having just gone through a high speed chase).

The officers arrived with their lights on, two cop cars. How nice it is to be on the GOOD side when it comes to cops. I was well prepared with my license, registration and insurance info.

The cops were super nice. They pulled the man aside and talked with me...wanting to get an ambulance out for this pregnant and emotional woman. I really am doing just fine. It felt like I had hit a curb. Although, I might as well take advantage of a few back massages from a therapist! Why not!

The man was arrested for driving under the influence...2x's the limit. He was cuffed up and sent away. I wrote down my written statement (which he later asked me if I was an English major b/c it was so well written! I told him how I taught English at school...that made me feel good), jumped in the cop car and showed him where all the action took place, and gave my info for if I need to testify in court.

I really do appreciate our legal system. I felt safe, secure and important. I know that more scary and intense situations happen every hour, but for me at 7:30pm last night....this was big! I thanked the cop for his concern and respect for me. He told me that he was glad that we got the guy off of the streets, b/c he may have done something even more severe to someone else.

You all may think I am nuts, but I still went to Wal-Mart! I wasn't going to be on the other side of town for nothing! It is not a Super Wal-Mart to my dissapointment, but it has plenty of long lines, interesting folk, and crying babies to make me feel right at home.

Welcome to Maryland!

The gym

Jared and I finally became members of one of the local gyms. It is really like a resort, just 5 levels high (since everything is stacked here). The swimming pool is actually on the top level. Is that ridiculous or what?

I met with the group fitness supervisor, tried to hide my belly a bit and introduce myself so I can get in and start teaching some classes. She actually didn't even bat an eye, but went and got an employee packet to fill out. Was that an actual interview? I didn't even tell her about my past experiences teaching or what my last name was. Sounds good to me!

So, our first day hitting the gym in over a month. Jared took it easy...and I took it beyond easy. I don't even know if I broke a sweat. I feel extra self conscious of my belly these days and I wonder what people think when they see me at the gym, "Is she just fat? Does she need to do some ab crunches? Is she really pregnant?" I did some light weight for my flabby bootie and spreading hips (well, that's a bit exaggerated, but it sure feels like it!).

I took my boys for a bike ride today and that was another strenuous work out, resulting in more vomiting and dry heaving. The good news is though, is that our neighborhood is like a forest and we saw a deer frolicking. I just can't get over how gorgeous, green, lush and scenic it is here.

Work is a huge situation, and Jared and I are just trying to stay afloat. I actually am dreading those long 11-9pm shifts all week long....sigh....I sorta just want to lay in bed all week long with my big bag of cheerios.

I go to the Dr. again this week....will post some news after we go....you'll all want to hear it.

A quickie

A little update:

After living in a hotel with our two kids and black lab Wrangler, we did find a house to move into. We secured the realtor to do the lease agreement on Wednesday, after only finding it on Tuesday. Our moving boxes were to arrive at noon on Wednesday, so you can imagine the RUSH and stress we were feeling to get a house asap!

We signed the papers at noon, and rushed to our place to give the key to our movers to unload the boxes, they had been waiting for a good hour. Talk about good timing! Had we not made it with them, we would've had to get a storage unit and pay for ANOTHER delivery company to unload the boxes.

Jared had to go to work that day, so I juggled the kids, movers, unpacking, setting up house, watching all that went on by myself. I do need to give a shout out to my sweet friend Michelle who also was around to help out with the madness. It poured rain, I had serious tummy and leg cramps from so much lifting and I was a sweaty and exhausted mess at 3am where we finally set up our bed to go to sleep.

Since then, I have been working full time and trying to set up house in the late hours at night. Jared is out of town for the week (perfect timing honey!) at some training in NY. SO, I am single mom once again in charge of the business, kids, home, unpacking and nasty grocery shopping...which still makes me gag.

I hope to see a Dr. soon since I am now 12 weeks along and SICK SICK SICK...and also have a huge belly. One man today at work told me I was showing way too much for only 12 weeks. Thanks a lot Mr. Stranger!

I hope to have some down time as the weeks pass by....although today is only the first day of my work week! Ah!

First impressions of Maryland: green trees and forest EVERYWHERE, mosquitoes and bugs that sizes of dimes (so so so gross!), humid and muggy, lots of diverse people and lots of deer everywhere...including our own yard.

I will post more later as I catch my breath and can rest my belly for a bit!

Off we go!

Where we've been this last week and where we are going:

Saturday: Flew from Chicago to El Paso

Monday: Packed boxes

Tuesday: Loaded up truck, kissed our home good-bye and drove to Eagar, AZ

Friday: Said last good-bye's to the Wilson's and drove down to Florence, AZ

Saturday: (tomorrow if all goes well). Will get up at 3:00am, load up kids and Wrangler...drive to airport (1.5 hours away), load up Wrangler in the cargo section (pobrecito! good luck!), board our plane to Baltimore, MD. Arriving at 5pm. Drive to VA to stay with my cousin

Monday: Return from VA to MD to get our utilities hooked up in our townhome.

Tuesday: First day of work

From Chicago to El Paso to Eagar to Florence to Phoenix to Baltimore to Leesburg. Exhausting! Way too much traveling for this sensitive mama. All in one week!

What's missing? Well...hopefully our car and house belongings all arrive early this next week! We will be living out of a suitcase, no furnishings and using a rental...plus going to work in a few days and sending our kids off with the new nanny.

Please let us all arrive safely! And our stuff! Please let our nanny not be some freak with a sketchy background! (Which I do intend on researching as soon as I get things in order).

I may or may not have internet access until next week when I am officially the DirectBuy Service manager and overseeing my new employees...yikes!

One more thing....when will my nasty pregnancy sickness go away! Traveling with kids and a dog in tote is hard enough, but when you want to vomit every hour it's worse...

My day full of YUCK

This blog is dedicated to any woman who ever has, ever will or is currently experiencing, "morning sickness." That phrase does not do justice to what most of us experience, b/c it is simply not just in the morning...but for me, it is an all day thing. Readers beware: if you are feeling a little sick, maybe you should skip this blog to avoid running to the toilet.

A few phrases for you: sea sick, food poisoning, stomach flu, car sick....You know where your stomach is queasy, so you run to the bathroom to see if anything will come out. Your mouth starts to sweat, you pull your hair behind your ears to avoid splattering, you kneel down to your porcelain friend, you close your eyes tight...and NOTHING comes out....just a bunch of spit. Most of the time, I just WANT to throw up, but I can't get the nasties out of me.

Just typing this is making me dry heave...I best keep this short. But, I do want to document this for my own future benefit so I can always remember what this feels like!

Another scenario that is very hard for me: Grocery stores. The smells inside of meats, people, frozen goods and snacks is hard to swallow. I run in with my little list, keep my eyes to the floor to avoid eye contact with ANY food item, grab the products, run to the aisle and keep my mouth covered with my hand while I try and BREATHE deep breaths the entire time. Dry heave after dry heave, my stomach just won't settle down. Get me out of there!

Going to church: Now the I have the nose of a blood hound (why is that??? Anyone have a good answer??), I can smell any perfume, after shave, BO, deoderante, BAD BREATH (that is by far the worst, especially when people are singing the hymns), or dirty diapers a few rows back.

Driving: I usually don't mind looking at billboards or restaurants....Now, I keep my eyes shut. I can't handle right now especially the fast food signs (Wendy's and McD's are especially revolting). Thinking of those places, the grease, the dirty public toilets (in case I have to run in there)....sidenote...I just threw up in my hand...ugh...I better stop writing this NOW...

One last thoughts: a typical day for me these last several weeks...and for sure more to come. If I don't shove something in my mouth by 6am (usually a cracker with water), the aches and pains come. I HAVE to constantly put food in my stomach every hour or so or the intense stab of pain comes back....I call it, "Feed the fetus" time. (I know it's just an embryo, but it ryhmes so well!). I am okay throughout the early morning, but by mid day...I am not doing well. All food has lost desirability...which is annoying b/c I am NOT craving anything...so everything is gross. I try to be creative with my choices, but it leads me nowhere....I won't write the food choices down or else I will have to run to the bathroom again.

I rotate throughout the day, when possible, to eat, lay the belly down, run to the bathroom to TRY and relieve myself, be with the family, work, eat again, etc. By nighttime I am DONE. These last few days b/c Jared is around, after moaning and groaning before dinner even comes (which is always so gross for me whatever it is), I just lay in bed in the dark until I feel better to get up, brush teeth and go back to bed.

Yuck...I sure hope this ends soon b/c I am ready to feel excited to be pregnant! Right now, I am just in no mood to talk about what sex we might be having, the due date, WHY I am wearing maternity clothing already (are you expecting twins or just a big baby?), and if it's normal for me to be this sick....no more!