Stressful New Mama

the boys like to sit together when watching tv....all snuggled up...
Army boys, "sir, yes sir!" Austin got out the matching PJ's from when he and Wes wore them.
Austin grabbed my camera one morning. He is very into lego's right now and very proud of them. If only younger brother Isaac wouldn't destroy them.
Naptime with papa.
Austin is very good at getting Levi to fall asleep. He is very gentle and loving.
Isaac's favorite shirt and book. My book! Superman!
First day of school. My two toothless boys. Grades 1 and 2.
Ms. Ashton Hall.
Mrs. Amie Lee.

Just gotta get some feelings out before I forget what my day was like yesterday:

I am doing ALL I possibly can to help out financially now that I am not working full time as a teacher. I promised Jared that I would do all I can to make it work since it's a huge sacrifice to be at home with my babies. This includes teaching piano and Spanish at night time, and now doing "Special Projects" for my admin. team at Arizona Charter Academy (where I worked last year).

The morning was crazy getting Wes and Austin out the door by 7:20am. This was after a long night of nursing every 2 hours. Depending on when Levi last nurses, I can either get out the door earlier (7:45am) or later (8:30). He is definitely NOT on any routine throughout the night, which makes it hard to plan!

I dropped off Levi and Isaac to the babysitter, which included potty training instructions and a bottle for Levi (which is also tricky b/c that meant that I would miss a feeding and need to pump to make up for it).

Raced off to meet my principal at 9am for our monthly meeting. She gave me lots of little projects, phone calls, emails and things to organize/print out. All good things! But, it was stressful throughout the day as I was trying to organize my thoughts and get the projects done amidst a fussy newborn and a toddler who refused to go potty when I needed him to! Isaac is obsessed with characters (Lightening McQueen, Buzz lightyear, Woody, etc)...and he refuses to wear undies if he already has a pull up on...but, then that conflicts with my potty training. See my stress?

Work steadily at the school for 2+ hours, until I was feeling super "full" and needed to get back. Trying to be professional as I walked around the school and got things done, and happy to NOT be back in the classroom! Happy to just DRIVE away!

Get the boys. Pump. Lunch with fishsticks and left over Olive Garden breadsticks. Feed Levi again. Get Isaac down for a nap (including a bedtime story, changing back into pj's and loves). Fall asleep for 20 min. holding Levi.

2:45pm, time to get the boys. Isaac is up and crying (which he does everyday). Wants me to put Levi down, but I am nursing him (again). Get our sweaty butts into the car, with Isaac screaming about wanting his shoes on and does NOT want to try to go potty.

3:15, drop off onery Isaac with Ms. Hall (Austin's 1st grade teacher), put Levi under the front office desk, and get back to work on the school computer. Race over to meet with the HR lady to talk about vendor relations, and then I am getting paged by my principal! She was babysitting my boys Isaac and Levi b/c everyone else had gone home. Embarrassing! Not professional.

4:30. Drop Wesley off for piano. Teach Piano. Marinate some chicken for baking dinner. Nurse a screaming Levi during lessons.

5:30 Dinner is on the table, Jared is out the door. Kids are crazy (when Jared is gone, they always are more wild and obnoxious). Eat. Monitor. Discipline. Eat. Clean up.

6:30. Kids are in full motion!!!!!!!!!!! Try to clean up dinner, find my sanity, change diapers. Checking backpacks for homework. Sweating in my warm kitchen.

7:00 Nurse Levi again. Read sight words out of a book with Austin. Wesley is finally in his room reading on his own (vs. doing karate with Austin). Isaac is melting down b/c he wants the books all for himself. Starts screaming, "NO!" and hitting.

7:15 In comes my Knight in Shining Armor. Papa! Back from his meeting. Gives Isaac a good swat on his bum for yelling at mama and corrects him. We finish reading, do an abreviated FHE that lasts 5 min. give kisses, and lights out...for now.

8:00 Finish up some ACA paperwork.

10:30 Nurse Levi. Watch him grunt his way to fall asleep.

Up. Every. Two. Hours. Nursing.

2am. Wesley has leg cramps; needs medicine, love and heating pads. I was up already with Levi, so it was not a problem.

Today. Same crazy routine....but, it included a NASTY poop accident at Chick Fil A. Details? Isaac pooped in his already-too-big-and-stretched-out-undies in the play land. We were enjoying a free breakfast with friends when this ODOR came out, following Isaac. Out plopped a ball of poop on the floor. Are you serious? I took him to the bathroom where I literally gave him a bath in the SINK of the restroom. Gross. I was embarrassed as the employees walked in and out and saw me bathing my naked son in THEIR sanitary station. Thank goodness I had someone to hold Levi (who was also poopy and needing to be nursed) and I had an extra size 5 diaper to help Isaac!

We loaded up into the car so I could nurse and change Levi. Hit up Sprouts on the way home. Gave Levi another bedtime snack so I could work on line for a few...and here we are now... Levi has only been asleep for 30 min...crying again...surely he can't be hungry??? Newborns are needy!


Time to go get boys from school.

Big boy Isaac

Is there ever a good time to potty train? In my mind, no, there is not.

Reasons why we have been delayed on getting Isaac into big boy undies:
Working full time
No downtime at home
Having adenoids/tonsils removed surgically
Having baby Levi
Mastitis
School starting
....

Which puts us to NOW. TODAY.

Isaac is getting potty trained, starting with the first day of school for Wes and Austin. Why wait any longer for this?

We are in Day #2 and he has had ZERO accidents and actually pooped too in the potty! Can I start doing the happy dance now???

I have done nothing different. I am giving him lots of liquids and asking him every 5 min. for "potty?" If he says no, I leave it alone. I have had a lot of patience, which went along with at least 10 pairs of undies yesterday when he had accident after accident. I have dedicated myself SOLELY to Isaac (and occasional feedings for Levi) and being with him 100%. We have not left the house in two days, which was convenient for my head cold.

I am wondering how he will do in public? The gym? He sure does love his batman undies (even though they are Austin's!). Is this just a great streak of success? I will take it. And hope for more.

I am only day #2 into my "new routine" of being a homemaker again. After this goal is accomplished, what else will I work on?

Don't get lazy Adrienne.

Happy Bithday and Blessing

Happy 32nd Birthday to me! Jared did a great job setting up a big group date with my best friends. It was the same day that Levi got circumsized, so I was a bit frazzled from the exhausting and emotional day. We met up at our house, ate some great Greek food (the Hummus is always such a tasty treat) and then went back for Leslie's amazing Caramel Brownies at our house. I was gifted a great Lululemon exercise outfit from everyone, complete with Arianne and Bret Pearce on Skype for the entertainment!

I don't feel any older, maybe more sleep deprived with my newborn, but very blessed.

The next day, August 7th, we were able to bless Levi Ross Wilson at church. Lots of friends and family showed up for the event and we hosted a big BBQ (30 people!) at our house afterwards. It was 108 degrees for pictures and cooking hot dogs, not ideal, but worth it.

My mom made a peach/dulce de leche birthday cake for Levi and I. I enjoyed having everyone around to sing to me on my birthday, and of course I loved snuggling up on my baby. He looked so handsome in his three piece suit, handkerchief and all.

Happy birthday and Happy blessing.

Superwoman

Superwoman is no longer super. My powers have been compromised by the evil villain; Mastitis. I have been feeling so good these last two weeks, I suppose it was time for something to arise.

Nursing this baby has been an uphill challenge. Painful. Sore. Makes me want to faint with aches.

Then my back started hurting and I got a headache (which I rarely get). The night was spent in hot and cold flashes, more aches and sweat. I thought Jared had turned down the a/c!

By morning I was feeling light headed, dizzy, tingly, swollen, anxious and VERY tender. Nursing you can only imagine was like slicing off my nipples...and shot the pain down to my toes and back up to my head with every suck.

Mastitis. Never had it before. Not sure how I even got it. Called into my OB. Got a prescription. The pain wasn't going away. Leslie, aka hero, arrived at my house just in time to whisk my kids away for the day as I laid in misery. I literally was stuck to my bed with these amazingly strong aches and pains. Sweet Levi was my companion in his carseat next to my bed. I felt every bone in my body throb with every heart beat of blood. Shoving pillows on my back, under my legs, etc only provided a little bit of relief.

I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. So out of it. Delirious. Weird thoughts.

Around 6pm, Leslie once again saved the day bringing me my boys AND dinner. Seriously. What a good friend. I pulled myself off of the bed and replanted myself on the couch to monitor the kiddos 'til Jared got home at 7pm. I then said Adios and headed right back up to my cave where I could moan in misery and pump in privacy. It was weird to NOT clean up the kitchen, tuck kids into bed and teach my Spanish lesson. But, I just let it all go and didn't take charge. Jared did great.

Today: Day #2. Feeling better. I am able to stand and walk down the stairs. I only had a cold sweat once last night. I continue to pump and nurse...hoping it will get better. My boobs no longer feel like a punching bags, more like swollen balloons. My dad is here to help provide more adult support and my kiddos are once again playing with the Boley's for the morning.

I guess this was God's way of telling me to slow down! No more working out 4x's a week. No more chores. No more running errands. Just be low key. Rest. Relax. Do nothing.

Done.

Lobster, Boogyman, Peanut Butter, cardio, baby blues

My sweet peanut is already 11 days old. I keep snapping pictures throughout the day, knowing that these weeks are going to FLY by. I am so sad about him growing up so quickly! Even at 3am, I love picking him up, letting him snuggle and squeak into my neck and stretch out his wrinkly legs. He lost his umbilical cord today. The boys were so excited. "He's an outie!" Wesley told me. What a cute little button he has on his belly now.

Lobster-like grip: This nursing business has been rough with Levi. He has a very strong suck, but not the patience to wait for the milk to 'let down.' The result? He sucks, gnaws, rips and then lets go of the nipple before the milk comes. He will do this several times, while I just gasp for air and try to breathe through the pain. I have to force him back on just in time for the milk to squirt all over him. The pain continues as it shoots down to my legs and makes my toes curl. IT HURTS SO BAD. I am trying to just endure, knowing that is has to get better! I finally bought a pump for some relief from the pain, which he loves to guzzle down. It would be so much easier to just feed him a bottle all the time, but I know how much I do love nursing my babies...so...I will continue to just wither away from the pain every 2.5 hours. His lobster-like grip is more than I can bare sometimes. It's humbling b/c I thought I was a pro at nursing, especially when we started in the NICU. Now, I am wondering how I am going to get through this! Each time I nurse, the other boob is screaming to the other, "leave me alone! Don't come over here!"

Boogyman: I was alone last week while Jared took an overnight stay in Tucson for work. In the past, when I have been alone, I have been able to manage my over-active brain. But, this go around, I was awake throughout the night with Levi and Isaac. So...my imagination TOOK OVER. I had the weirdest thoughts about someone breaking in to abduct my newborn, to having strangers watching me in the night, etc. The Boogyman was so real to me at 3am! It was very scary for me, especially knowing how much I wanted to protect my sweet little boys. Isaac was up 3 x's, simultaneously with Levi. It was a rough night as I only got 2 hours of consecutive sleep and then only 30 min cat naps in between. I was deliriously thinking crazy thoughts about the dark and I didn't like it one bit! I suppose I might just turn all the lights on in the house next time!

Peanut Butter: During my pregnancy I felt so proud of myself b/c my sweet tooth had LEFT ME ALONE. I felt such will power against chocolate and candy and cookies. I felt that perhaps I had finally won my battle of a love vs hate food relationship. NOPE. My sugar tooth has come back...and hard core. I find myself craving all sorts of sugar; brownies, cookie dough, chocolate, etc. I have rid my house of the sweet stuff, but now I am devouring peanut butter!!! Each Tablespoon brings forth so much guilt :( I have been eating it by the spoon full. So much for self control.

Cardio: Cold Stone ice cream, peanut butter, juice, boston cream pie...all of these things encourage me to hit the gym! I went back to the gym a week after delivering Levi. I got a lot of looks from my accquaintances at the gym. Everyone wanted to know how the baby was, how big, what am I doing back already, etc. I went four times this week, only one of them included lifting weights and doing a full body. The other three I have been doing cardio on the stair climber, incline or elliptical. A low key sweat, nothing extreme or dangerous for my healing body. It does make me feel so good to have ability to bend down, stretch, do sit ups and suck 'it' in! Gotta keep on that wagon of good health, mental and physical. I am so emotionally happy when I work out!!

Baby Blues: I have been in a funk. I have no real reason for these emotions. I can only put them into the "baby blues" category where my hormones are trying to regulate and I have YET to have a good cry since giving birth to Levi. I have a beautiful family of four boys, good health, a great recovery, food in my fridge, a clean home, loving marriage and strong faith. Then WHY do I feel down, bored, without purpose and the need to control control control. I am sure I am also needing more sleep, so I try to squeeze in a 20 min. cat nap a day (if Isaac and Levi coordinate schedules). Just not sure when I feel will more like myself. I suppose once we get into the school routine, I am getting dressed into clothing that fit (vs. my small maternity clothing), I am doing my hair (vs. the pony tail) and we have more security in Jared's career path...maybe I will feel better. Just not sure. I need to stay away from the scale. I have lost 20 lbs, but have 15 to go.

I feel squishy.