As I had mentioned before, I gave a talk yesterday at our ward conference....not to mention I also played the flute the same day for the ward choir. It was a double whammy for me!
For those of you who want to, I am including my talk....I tried to make it as interesting as possible. I used ideas from my own life, talked a bit about how Jared and I met and why family is so important to all of us in society.
I tried my best to not be nervous, by imagining that I was just teaching another lesson to a class. It sure does help when there are random people in the audience who actually smile at you! I felt good about it, after the first couple of comments when I trained my ear to listen to how LOUD my voice gets through that microphone. It sure does help ease those nerves when you are actually prepared and read through it a few times!
It's a bit long b/c I had to do it in 12 minutes, but I
highlighted my favorite parts if you just want to browse it: Enjoy!
Heavenly Homes and Eternal Families
Dust was everywhere. I was checking up on our remodel once again for the third time. I walked into where the front door used to be, only to find my cabinets were still in their same boxes as the day before…only this time there were a few new workers whom I didn’t recognize. Could I trust them to be in here working and demolishing all of our walls without supervision?
In tote were my two toddlers, anxious to run around and most likely step on screwdrivers and nails as they go. “Don’t touch this and stop picking up that garbage,” is all I really seemed to be saying to them these days! Questions are being asked that I simply don’t have the answers for; what paint goes on this ceiling, where are the faucet handles, when will the carpet installers be here, why does our bathroom continue to smell of a rotten sewer, when will the tiled showers finally be grouted, who is paying for this labor and when will the plumbers install this bathtub?
Jared and I moved to El Paso from Phoenix last August to start up our business of DirectBuy. In our minds, the best thing to do would be to stay in an apartment and remodel an older home in the meantime. Anyone who has ever remodeled anything knows what kind of stress, money, sacrifice, frustration and anxiousness goes into it. Ours was no exception.
This was a typical day in the life of Jared and I for five LONG and tedious months… Months where I was dreaming and praying for simple things….like a garage to load up my kids and their sippy cups in just one load, versus making one large trip down our flight of stairs in the apartment with 15 things in each of my arms. Or how about a washer and drier for those potty training days when I refused to hand wash another pair of undies. A kitchen sink with a sprayer faucet was another luxury that I could only hope to have. A private backyard sounded so lovely on those hot summer nights, as well as a pantry where I could actually begin to store some food storage!
.Jared and I met in Neuquen Argentina, where we both served as missionaries. At a zone conference, I was the “new sister” playing the piano, and Jared was the elder about to go home. Of course I stood out to him b/c I was still “fresh from the states” with nice clothing and make up (which quickly changed as I realized what it really takes to be a sister missionary in a third world). To be honest, I don’t even recall our first meeting…but 1.5 year later, after I had been home for a few months, Jared tracked me down through an email via our mission president. Fortunate for me, he had remembered our brief encounter back in Argentina and was able to get in contact. I had no idea who he was when he first emailed me, but he attached a cute picture in the email…so, I wrote him back. We met in person in May, got engaged in July and married in August 2002.
By now you would think that Jared and I would be used to the idea of moving. In our 5 years of marriage, we have moved 13 times, and across three states. That is an average of 2.5 moves a year….not to mention dragging our two kids and their massive amount of baby junk that grows each year along with us. My husband is very ambitious, and so with each move, we do feel like we are “moving up” in the world, although it doesn’t make it any easier on us physically or emotionally.
Just like building a house takes planning, sacrifice, respect and love…so does building a home. A home is where our own heaven needs to be, where we can come in and be sheltered from the world. Like the structure in which it dwells, a family can be large or small. It may be old or young. It may need some remodeling b/c of neglect and weathering, or it may be in excellent condition.
As I described earlier, Jared and I were general contactors for our complete remodel of our home this year, and so should the Lord be with our lives. He should be the general contractor for our family and the home that we build. We can then be the sub contractors responsible for the specific parts of the whole project. All of us can thereby be builders of our own heavenly home. Some of us are newlyweds, young parents, grandparents, teenagers, widows, single parents, and occasionally only one member remains. The family, however, continues—for families are forever.
How do we make our house a home? How do we find the happiness no matter what our family unit consists of?
President Monson has said, “Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Happiness does not consist of a surplus of luxury, the world’s idea of a “good time.” Nor must we search for it in faraway places with strange-sounding names. Happiness is found at home.
All of us remember the home of our childhood. Interestingly, our thoughts do not dwell on whether the house was large or small, the neighborhood fashionable or downtrodden. Rather, we delight in the experiences we shared as a family. The home is the laboratory of our lives, and what we learn there largely determines what we do when we leave there.
Mrs. Margaret Thatcher, former prime minister of Great Britain, said: “The family is the building block of society. It is a nursery, a school, a hospital, a leisure center, a place of refuge and a place of rest. It encompasses the whole of the society. It fashions our beliefs; it is the preparation for the rest of our life.”
For me, there are simple things that I can do in my own home to bring pure happiness to for me and my family. First and foremost, I need to have a clean home. I do my best to pick up after my boys as soon as a mess is made, for example after we eat a meal. I can’t wait until they are old enough to do their own dishes! Then their messes don’t seem to pile up on me too quickly. I do the dishes before I go to bed, then I can wake up to a new day with a clean kitchen, which always puts me in a better mood. Making beds is also a top priority so that the house looks a bit more “tidy” even if it’s just in the bedrooms.
Also, I find that when I am consistently reading my scriptures, either with my boys, Jared or by myself (whichever one happens on that day b/c they never happen all in one day!), I feel that there is more peace and less struggles going on.
I also make a conscious effort to not have the tv on very often, which can sometimes be a conflict between family members. But to me personally, I feel that the spirit of the Lord can more freely enter into our home if the distraction of worldly issues is not as present. I look for other ways to entertain myself and my children; through books, music, looking at family pictures, board games, or going outside for a walk. Having been raised in a non-tv watching family, I truly believe that quality time is better spent when you actually talk to one another!
Naturally, these things may not apply to all of you…but, I encourage you to find the things that fit into your own dwelling with the age appropriate activities that add a little extra harmony and joy into your homes.
Our Prophet and his apostles really helped clear the way and make a strong statement about families in these latter days when they announced the “The Family: A Proclamation to the World—.”A few of my favorite key phrases include: All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. "Children are an heritage of the Lord" (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live.
What comfort that brings to me that my Heavenly Father knows who I am individually and believes in me to raise up two of his choice children! I often feel inadequate with my role as a homemaker and housewife, but this phrase gives me the confidence that I need to continue in my journey. It also encourages me to never give up on my family, that I am responsible and accountable for their upbringing in the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Raising a family within the guidelines of this proclamation can also be challenging. Elder Eyring gave these examples:“There are important ways in which planning for failure can make failure more likely and the ideal less so. Consider these twin commandments as an example: “Fathers are to … provide the necessities of life … for their families” and “mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.” Knowing how hard that might be, a young man might choose a career on the basis of how much money he could make, even if it meant he couldn’t be home enough to be an equal partner. By doing that, he has already decided he cannot hope to do what would be best.
A young woman might prepare for a career incompatible with being primarily responsible for the nurture of her children because of the possibilities of not marrying, of not having children, or of being left alone to provide for them herself. Or she might fail to focus her education on the gospel and the useful knowledge of the world that nurturing a family would require, not realizing that the highest and best use she could make of her talents and her education would be in her home. Consequently, because a young man and woman had planned thus, they might make what is best for a family less likely to be obtained.
Surely they are both wise to worry about the physical needs of that future family. The costs of buying a home, compared to average salaries, seem to be rising and jobs harder to hold. But there are other ways the young man and the young woman could think about preparing to provide for that future family. Income is only one part of it. Have you noticed husbands and wives who feel pinched for lack of money choose for a solution ways to make their family income keep rising but soon find that the pinch is there whatever the income? There is an old formula which goes something like this: Income five dollars and expenses six dollars: misery. Income four dollars and expenses three dollars: happiness.
Whether the young man can provide and, after work, return home to his family at a reasonable hour, and whether the young woman can be there to nurture children, can depend as much on how they learn to spend as on how they learn to earn. Even the most frugal spending habits and the most careful planning for employment may not be enough to ensure success, but those things could be enough to allow us the peace that comes from knowing we did the best we could to provide and to nurture.”
For me, although money is important and can provide some means of delight and comfort, I would much rather have my husband home with us and on a meager income vs. constantly at work and not involved in our lives. Finding that balance is essential to happiness. Although we have not yet found that balance, we keep working on it and have it as a goal to work towards. In the meantime, I do my best to nurture my children and provide stability to them while their dad is away at work.
The family unit is fundamental not only to society and to the Church but also to our hope for eternal life. As we begin to practice with our family, the smaller unit, the lessons we learn will spread to the world.
God knows each of us individually, as well as within our families (dysfunctional and all!). I know that when all is said and done, our family unit is what is going to matter to all of us. May we all strive to do what is best for our families, including: family scripture study, family prayer, family home evening, family outings, and family counsels,
In the words of President Hinckley: “Never forget that these little ones are the sons and daughters of God and that yours is a custodial relationship to them, that He was a parent before you were parents and that He has not relinquished His parental rights or interest in these His little ones. Now, love them, take care of them. Fathers, control your tempers, now and in all the years to come. Mothers, control your voices; keep them down. Rear your children in love, in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Take care of your little ones. Welcome them into your homes, and nurture and love them with all of your hearts. They may do, in the years that come, some things you would not want them to do, but be patient, be patient. You have not failed as long as you have tried. Never forget that.” (Testimony on families
